Musings of a Girl.

Just another weblog

The First Post is Sacred. October 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — karmav2 @ 5:19 am

It’s like your first day of school (not exactly sacred, but you know what I mean), in my case at least. This is not my first blog, but the first post of a new blog always seems like something special, that I can’t just write on any subject matter. I’ve been to school before. But the first day of school is, like the first post of a new blog, special. So today, I shall write my first, sacred post on something truly holy: God.

I had always admired those people at Youth Group who can just act like they’re good, passionate Christians. And then it struck me. They could do it because they weren’t acting, they WERE good, passionate Christians. So why can’t I do that? I want to read the Bible everyday, and meditate, and give it my all, but I can’t, because I know in the back of my head (well, maybe in the middle), that the reason I do this is because, at the end of the day, I will be saying:

“Well, wasn’t I a good Christian today?”

And that just doesn’t seem to go with what being a Christian is about. That’s just the edge of the slippery slope that will lead to:

“Yeah, I’m a Christian. Oh, you’re not? You should try it. It’s totally cool.”

In reality, I’m nervous about talking on the subject of religion. But sometimes, I get this feeling, like I’m brave enough to try and blog about it. It’s like drugs, and the time runs out quickly (good thing I have a pretty fast WPM). And I just know myself too well. In a few days, I will be looking back on this post, regretting I ever typed it, saying that it’s some kind of justification for my crappy relationship with God. But it’s not, it’s true. It’s not really embarrassing, it’s just kind of sad that I could be reading the Bible instead of playing Maplestory after I come home from school.

No wonder so many people think Christians are hypocrites. I mean, when I go to Youth Group, I sing about laying down my life for God, but when I go home, I lay my life down right in front of my computer. I’m pretty sure that’s how the majority of Christians are; we’re hypocritical and insincere. Some people are more blunt about it: the girls who read manga during the message, for example. Then there’s people like me, who are aware of their insecurities but are too chicken to do anything about them. And then there’s those obscure people who I don’t know about: people that I look up to as a Christian role model, but are actually insecure themselves? Is that too cynical? That somewhere, at varying depths, all of our core’s are insincere? I don’t know; it’d be stupid to assume that everyone thinks like me. But funnily enough, it often seems that way.

Comments pl0x. I enjoy advice, too.


2 Responses to “The First Post is Sacred.”

  1. kathryn…..this is great the 1st day is always scary!

  2. Mom Says:

    I am very impressed with your writing. You wrote so beautifully and so expressively . I wish I have your writing skill.
    I do understand your feelings. All the people have mixed feelings about things. I don’t think you are hypocrite just because you say one thing and act another. We all have our inner thoughts and feelings, but it is important to evaluate what the actions and interactions will bring to our lives –the consequences. We make mistakes as we grow , and learn from those mistakes. At each stage of our lives, we have different opinions ,mood, thoughts etc. That’s perfectly Ok. The way I looked at the world when I was your age is very much different from now at 49 years old .Life does teach us a lot. I just pray that life will strengthen your spirit , not weaken it. Love you always for the way you are. You are one of the source of my motivation in all aspects of my life. My love and trust for you is beyond your imagination, Kathryne.

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